put the lime in the coconut. : )

or possibly not. i dont know.

but i am going. somewhere. thursday. thru sat/sun. it will be fun. ROAD TRIP!!!!!!!

get away from it all. but my best friend. b/c you dont wanna get away from that.
right.

nothing new going on.

just been chillin. enjoying being home. good stuff.

i hate it when i start thinking. and analyzing. like what would make me happy and shit. and why i'm doing what i'm doing. i've talked to reannen a lot bout that lately. we're moving. to another state. next september. end of story. haha. probably not. but possibly so.

i'm happy right now. but i have discovered just recently how i really want a boyfriend. i finally have my best friend back into my life and its just like it used to be, and feel totally happy with her and our new 4some group. it used to be 5, but then we got annoyed of 5. yeah. i love having a tight group of friends whom you feel totally comfortable with and hopefully that wont get screwed up because of typical boy/girl drama. work is really good right now although drama still happens every 5 seconds. ijust with that it could change and i could stop acting and putting on a fake smile. school is finally over tomorrow. i can not wait. having a month off. my sister is coming and i'll have a weekend off with her and family.. it will be an awesome break. i can feel it.

it makes me happy when you feel like everything is finally coming together like you have always wanted it to.

when you've separated the needs from the wants and realized you really have all you need

it really is amazing how happy you can be by the simple acts of one person. just knowing you have that friendship that will always be there backing you up when people act stupid and when you think everything is ending and everything will just be getting worse, they help you through it. even when it isn't having a serious talk about it, and its just hanging out with that person again like the good ole times, it all assures you that everything will be okay. i'm starting to think that life is really becoming complete in the areas i want it too. and even without something i thought i needed.

see. what one hour went by and i'm happy again...

So i read this in my friends blog from myspace just now:

"The worst feeling ever came over me last night. LONELINESS. its horrible. it tears you up inside. i hate when emotions get the best of me.

I was with some friends last night and one of them has this boyfriend whos totally in love with her and shes totally in love with him. Another feeling i felt was JEALOUSY! thats another one of those horrible emotions that tears you up.

i want the fairytale. the one that every girl dreams of!

I want someone who every morning wakes up and just cant wait to see me. one who loves me and who i have nothing to hide from them

I want them to accept me for who i am not what i do or have done in my past. It makes me sad that i feel like i have to impress or lie about things ive done or things i do now. i want someone who no matter what will stand by me support me in any decision and help me when ive fallen on hard times. someone who doesnt try to change me. someone who doesnt nag on me about everything i do.

someone who just loves me for me!

I know that that person is out there somewhere and that im young but that person needs to hurry up. IM WAITING!"

it is so weird because that is exactly how i feel at times. and just at certain times. right now for instance. my life keeps on changing and my emotions keep on changing. i can be completely happy until something so incredibly small happens and makes me sad, or lonely, or happy, or just emotional on any level. it just changes so often lately. i keep trying not to let anything bring me down or change my emotions for the worse but in some of my situations its really hard. and i put this in here because a lot less people actually read my lj rather than myspace... i just dont know how to stay up when i am. i need to figure that out.

i think i know what i want right now. as long as it doesn't dissapoint me i'll be happy.

i'm sick right now. and today was my only day off. and i work 6 long ass days this week. 56 hours i'm scheduled. and i can't call off because i'm just too special. freakin sucks.

sometimes i wonder why i know what i know, why i know who i know, and if it really is true that everything happens for a reason. it seems like lately i've learned a lot of information that is supposed to be kept confidential... and i'm not very good at not telling people being i love to talk things out. and how if one night would have been just a little bit different, things could be totally different in the long run. all i know is that i do believe that everything happens for a reason and there is a reason why i met one person or why someone told me that information. i just wish i knew why i knew what i know and who i know. i have met a lot of people in the past month and i wish i knew what i was supposed to do with them because i was already content. i dont want to make a mistake with someone because of my curiousness (if thats a word.. haha) with something else. ok. rambling done. goodbye.

wow. so much has happened since i've posted last a month and a half ago.

probably the biggest thing is
moving out. i finally did what i've talked about for over a year now. brittanni is the best and only roommate i could imagine moving out with. we've only gotten in one fight since we moved out and it only lasted about 12 hours over something stupid. although she doesn't like to clean too much, i love what it's done to our relationship. i had heard so many horror stories about moving out with your best friend, and i'm happy to know it has done the opposite to us and has made us grow closer. i finally have my room almost done and my bathroom too, and now we just need to work on our front room... anyone have a table? we've only had one party and it went well. the security guard likes us.

work. well i quit RLI almost 2 months ago, and i didn't realize how much happier it has made me until recently. it's so good to get out of that routine job which i didn't even like, even though the pay was good. i upped my hours at fuddruckers right after i quit, and hoped to become a team leader by the new year, but things happened and i got my promotion earlier than expected. which is good because the less in pay was starting to hurt. about a week after i started full time again i had an interview with the district manager and was ready for training. i'm almost fully trained now and i really enjoy my job, even with its ups and downs. i like having days off in the middle of the week, and not having a set schedule.

school. well. i guess that hasn't been going as well as i would like but i'm going to pass and keep my scholarship. i had a goal to get a 4.0, but i know that isn't going to happen any more. i've registered for next semester already and finally almost done with GCC. the next step is what i'm still not sure about. I've always assumed i'd be going to ASU, but i'm not so sure anymore. ASU west is sounding more appealing. and Scottsdale Culinary is sounding like a great choice. I've discovered that I do have a passion for food, whether it is preparing it or serving it, and going to scottsdale culinary would be a lot of fun. I just still don't know what i want to be.

family. i went to florida to visit my sister a few weekends ago and it was great to hang out with her again. i miss not having her in the same state as me. she seems very happy now though and i'm happy for what she's done. i was scared i wouldn't talk to my parents at all after i moved out, but our relationship has stayed pretty much the same. now instead of me coming and leaving all the time, when i go home i'm there to hang out with them.

frogs. i got pets. i missed my dogs at home, so i settled for these. they are water frogs and they are freakin awesome! their names are Bahama Mama and Jager. i really like them, except their bowl gets really dirty and i have to clean it a lot.

boys. haha. what are the odd's. i'm watching dr. phil right now and he's talking to this 30-year-old virgin that wants his perfect soul mate, and won't commit to anyone til he finds her. i used to think that i was being to picky and waiting for that perfect guy, but i've learned to give a few that chance and it seems like i keep dissapointing them or they dissapoint me. or one person doesn't like the other person anymore or whatever. but i know that i will be ready for that relationship i've wanted as soon as i have the guy that is ready to be with me. so in short... still single.

my car. my unnamed car is still great. i love it very much and will love it more once brittanni names it for me :)

friends.
i've already mentioned brittanni, she's great. best friends 7 years!!!
reannen- i am also very happy to have my relationship with you back to normal. i loved and missed the friendship we used to have, but now we have it back and it makes me very happy.
lindsey- i love you too. you are still my favorite person and i'm really happy we've gotten closer again. we were really great friends and we went apart and i can see us growing together again.
andrea- wow. i finally hung out with you last weekend after being about 2-3 months. i really miss our friendship because we were very close friends for a long time and it fell apart completely, but i know we will build it back up again.
everyone else- i love you too.
i've also learned when to leave your past behind. there are just some people you were meant to only be friends for a certain amount of time.

nintendo. i have grown strangely obsessed with the games. i dont think its too good for me but britt and i play almost every day. and usually for at least an hour. but the game was beat last night. and i just bought a super nintendo. and more games. geez.

i think this just about sums up my life right now.

britt and i are finally going to get a membership to the gym today. i'm excited to get in shape.

life is great at the moment..

recently i've become very content with my life. very happy in general. and i've made a promise to myself not to hate life again. hopefully i'll keep it. i haven't regreted any decisions i've made and i am happy for what is to come of me and my life.

Life is great right now. Even though yesterday it seemed like several people I love did weird stuff to me... But I have approximately 2 days left of my job at RLI. And I have a 4 day weekend. NO WORK AT ALL! And i'm going to california with 2 very good friends. I really need that stress free vacation right now and its going to be great fun. I can't wait. And I also can't wait to be a full time student and work at fudds more. I am really looking forward to those changes. I love looking forward to life!

so things have changed.

i'm for sure NOT going to texas. weasel you can tell everyone that b.c you told everyone i was going. j/k. but its just a waste of money and its just not good for me. i'll go to asu or asu west.

the next two all happened because of me wanting to drop my chemistry class because my teacher told me i was stupid. so...

i quit my job at RLI yesterday. I have approximately 2 weeks left. good decision. i'm not going to regret it at all.
and
i picked up more classes at GCC. i am now enrolled in 15 credits. going to pick up 3 more online and hopefully one more 3 class to give me 21 for the semester. if i can find a class that starts in september or october b.c some do.

i just realized that school is more important than work. and i need to keep my schlorship, and i'm definately not going to let something like work ruin it esp. when its not even in the field i want to pursue.

i'm going to work at fudds only now, this semester bout 30-35 hours a week, and next semester think about what else i can do with that. i think it will be better for me to cut down from 55-60hrs to that.

i went to the eye doctor today. i couldn't see and had to wear funny sunglasses. i think i'm going to put them on and take a pic and put it on myspace. they put these drops in my eyes and the first couple hours of work i couldn't see my computer. but i dont need glasses and my vision is good.

i'm starting to feel more content with my life in general. i think leaving RLI will help me feel better because i wont feel rushed all the time and i'll have time to study.

my goal this semester is to have straight A's. and with 21 credits. i think that would make me happy. :)

another goal is to hopefully figure out about what career i want. i need to explore my options which i will now have time to do.

i'm also starting to be more content with myself. for a little bit i was really feeling down/depressed/upset (i'm not sure what the right word is) because of something stupid. or should i say someone stupid. but i'm over that now for good. and starting to realize i dont need someone in my life in that way constantly.

i just know i'm going to be happier with these changes.

(i even changed my lj haha)

8-)

so life really hasn't gotten too much better but i'm breakin my thing and writing in here. i'm alright. thats good enough.

and i'm gonna move to texas.

and go to tsu.

and i can't wait.

i'm going there labor day weekend to check it out.

:)

i decided that i'm only gonna write in here when i'm happy because otherwise its stupid and people are weird.


bye for a while

i started my real journal

i dont like it

i'll probably never write in it again

saturday sucked at night time

it was sad too

sunday was boring

and this weekend i decided i'm just gonna work

because nothing else will satisfy me right now

i'm just not happy or content with most areas of my life

i think i'm gonna try to start my real journal today

because there are just too many feelings i dont want to express on here right now

i'm not happy

and i want to be

geez

why is stupid myspace broke all the time now.

its annoying.

now you can't even log in.

why does life always have to be so difficult?

nothing is ever simple anymore